Today I woke up with the best, most bizarre, crazy, jittery, excited, nervous, Rain-Man-rocking-in-the-corner feelings I’ve ever experienced. (I have the Rain Main feelings a lot – Nikka has a trick she likes to use to knock me out of my OCD loops, can’t tell it here but it usually works.) I’m a bit excitable at times and need to be talked down off the ledge on a weekly, if not bi-weekly basis. I’ve had great days before, where I truly appreciated the yang to my yin, the light to illuminate my dark, and the laughter to fight and obliterate the loneliness. But today is a day beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. Today is weird, odd, and surreal.
Today is the “release day” of a work of mine (and of my co-author Nikka Michaels @NikkaMichaels http://www.nikkamichaels.com) that has been made available for others to read without my handing it to them first. For them to read and either like or dislike. It’s an overwhelming feeling. I’m the type who doesn’t share my words very well. I’m very content to hide them away, keeping them trapped between the pages of old journals or hidden within the dozens of files inside my laptop. All of that, now, is completely out of my hands and I’m not sure how to feel about it.
I told Nik last night how proud I am of both of us. It’s something we’ve been saying over and over to each other, but once we saw the links go up on the Evernight Publishing and on amazon.com, it was truly an out of body experience. I’m not sure we were truly prepared for it. Growing up, my father was in the book business. Our house was filled with books – floor to ceiling, room to room, filled with books. My father always came home from business trips or ABA conferences with interesting stories about the new authors he’d met or the new books that would be coming out that spring or fall. I even had my own mini-library growing up. Weird, but wonderful. So for me, books, reading and writing have always been a part of my life. But this, this is beyond what I’d truly ever hoped to imagine really happening. Being published and putting myself out there. It’s exciting yes, but also daunting and overwhelming.
So today, on our very first Release Day, I know I probably should be out toasting champagne and whooping and dancing to celebrate. But I think I’ll just quietly sit here and take it all in. I know that no other Release Day will be quite like this one, the first one. And so I’m going to sit here and enjoy it all (maybe rock back and forth a little, chanting “I’m an excellent driver” if I need to calm myself down) so I can try to soak it all in and remember every detail for later, maybe the release of my next novel with Nik, or when we celebrate the first book each of us publish individually, and then the next one, and the next one….